Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Loss of a Friendship

I will never forget her phone number, her laugh, her caring ways and the 10 years of amazing friendship that we shared. Maybe I have changed so much that our friendship couldn't withstand it. Maybe she has changed and is no longer tolerant of the errors that I make. Either way, the fault was placed with me for the change she felt towards our friendship and I will accept responsibility for it 100%. It was my decision after all to no longer agree to have any communication with her; it just kills me inside and I can't have my wounds reopened time and time again when she attempts to contact me. And when she told me that she can't change what I have done or what has taken place, I know how she feels, as I feel the exact same way. Two peas in a pod. But I made a decision that I felt was right for me and my life at the time, and I wouldn't undo what I had done.
I suppose the hardest thing for me with this loss is that in 10 years, we never really had any problems, and we were both Leo's. Then one day, all that changed. The problem was between myself and another one of her friends when I asked the person to move out in writing instead of telling her in person. I felt that as the "landlord" I had to put aside personal feelings and act from a business standpoint. It really was nothing personal nor a negative reflection of this person; we were just not compatible as roommates. I don't place any blame or resentment with her for defending her other friend that I had hurt. I suppose I might react the same way as well. But I would hope more that I would also be willing to listen to both sides and hopefully maintain a level of indifference and not let others problems ruin my friendship with either person. You never know how you would respond until you are in the same situation.
It is so hard to have a friendship taken from you after an act of humanness. I suppose in the end, the 10 years of friendship and good times and good acts can't undo one bad act. So our decisions have been made and life will move on. A little emptier and lonelier, but for the best at the end of the day. I hope that writing these feelings out will allow me to be able to put everything behind me and move forward. I will always hold a very special place in my heart for her as noone can replace her. I will always wonder how her health is, how her business is doing, how her relationship is doing. Maybe someday in the distant future we will cross paths, both of us more mature and forgiving. Maybe we will greet each other like the long lost friends we will be and trade life updates. Or maybe we will walk past each other like strangers that we have become to each other. No matter what, I wish her all the happiness, success and health one can have in life. Thank you for showing me what true friendship is and can be.

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